A Nuisance

Another article appeared in the paper today about the ACLU's lawsuit against Norristown that challenges the constitutionality of ordinances such as the one called the "three strikes rule".  This ordinance was put into place with the intention of protecting the peace and order of the neighborhood by forcing landlords to lose their license if there are multiple calls to the police for that property.  Unfortunately, in the case of Lakisha Briggs, she was evicted because the domestic violence relationship she was in caused her to call over and over again despite the restraining order against her abuser.

There are many things at work in this case.  First and foremost, domestic situations are very tricky things to deal with.  For a short time, I did work with a domestic violence support center doing hotline crisis calls. During the training, as well as my personal experiences, it was stated that domestic violence relationships go in cycles.  After the crisis is over the victim takes back the abuser because the abuser makes promises that it will never happen again.  The couple enters a "honeymoon phase" and things are great until the next time. It was therefore during my time on council before that I argued the ordinance should be exempt for cases of domestic violence.

In every situation there are two sides to every story.  I do not know the amount of times the police were called to that property so I cannot say whether I side with Ms. Briggs or the municipality.  I can say that the municipality's intention was to give some quality of life to neighborhoods by helping alleviate as many nuisance properties as possible. In cases of domestic violence, one simply cannot predict what will happen and to legislate an ordinance such as this one without taking that into consideration can only bring difficulty. I only hope that during the time when the municipality is not enforced the ordinance due to the lawsuit Council does the right thing and re-address the law.

Abuse

Many who don’t recognize the name Bibi Aisha, but they should.  She is the teen who appeared on the cover of Time magazine two years ago when her father-in-law cut off her nose and ears because she tried to run away from her abusive in-laws. A recent article in that magazine reported that the man who did this act is free now and only spent six months in jail.  No one else involved in her mutilation had any kind of punishment.  Apparently it is typical for Afghanistan that the man would go free after committing such a horrible act against a woman.

Women have been suffering at the hands of abusive husbands for as long as time has existed.  In the United States though, if a man were to do that to a women, he would be given a slightly harder sentance and I am sure the other inmates in there would find some way to make his life miserable.  At least in this country there is some regard for women, but is there?  Considering the War on Women that is being waged these days it is a wonder that there is any regard at all for the “fairer sex”.  But this is not about that.  This is about domestic violence and the horrible situation it causes for everyone around, not just the woman dealing with it.

There should be no excuse for Domestic Violence, as the bumper sticker says.  But women all over this world accept all kinds of excuses for being treated no better than a dog and in many countries have no recourse.  While we here have some help, often the help offered is little more than reassurance that it won’t happen again and very often the woman has to leave with no more than the clothes on her back in order to get away.  I know, I’ve been there and I can tell you it is not a pretty place to be.  The one thing we can do is to work with women in this situation and help them overcome it because in many cases they feel deserving of that kind of treatment.  Furthermore we need to raise a generation of women who won’t take it in the first place.  Without the future we will be stuck in the past; a past where violence against women is an accepted thing.

Scarred

There is a commercial on television for Jello Temptations where a mother is shown talking to her kids in a tent obviously in the back yard of some suburban home about the “Choco Beast”.  Suddenly the dad jumps at the tent silhouetted by the light and the kids go running into the house throwing the dessert at the mother.  Every time I see it I laugh but I also think about the reality of that situation.  Maybe the mom is doing a good thing and teaching the children about stealing and lying, but maybe, just maybe those kids, if this were a real situation, would end up being scarred for life.

Childhood traumas are particularly harmful if caused by a parent.  If a parent, one who is supposed to be a child’s safety net, causes physical or emotional pain to a child, their whole emotional welfare is at stake.  Child abuse, as with most domestic abuse situations, that transcends social economic levels as well as many cultural moirés.  It can perpetuate itself in the lifecycle as many children who are abused as children abuse their children later.  In addition, many children turn the violence out and bully others because it is a way for them to strike back, or they turn inward and allow others to abuse them. It can start the cycle of domestic violence as many boys who are abused as children grow up to abuse their wives.  With 905,000 cases in 2006 and growing every year, you can see that this is a wide spread issue.

Many parents view spanking and other corporal means of punishment as harmless.  They quote the axiom “spoil the rod, spare the child” as the reason that spanking is warranted for a myriad of transgressions.  It builds character, they say, but what it can really do is sow the seeds of pain, despair, anger, humiliation, confusion, and anger.  But most importantly is that child abuse can cause a continuation of a cycle of violence.  Child abuse is no laughing matter and is a worldwide issue that needs our constant vigilance and attention. 

Man Down

One of Rihanna’s recent hit songs is Man Down. The song talks about a situation which apparently got really bad and the singer ending up shooting the man who attacked her. The lyrics go on to say that she has to leave because of her crime and that she realizes she could spend the rest of her life in jail.

Domestic violence comes in all shapes and sizes. It crosses all economic levels, ethnicities, and generations. It is responsible for more than three women being murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. Domestic/Dating violence costs the US $5.8 billion annually in health related costs, with $4.1 billion for victims needing medical and mental health services. It is rare that a woman strikes back.

There are many resources to help women in a domestic violent situation and it is important that the woman get help to prevent further injury to her. Even if there is no immediate danger, being in a violent situation can make a women 80 percent more likely to have a stroke, 70 percent more likely to have heart disease, 60 percent more likely to have asthma, and 70 percent more likely to drink heavily than women who have not experienced intimate partner violence.

I worked as a hotline counselor for Domestic Abuse Project of Delaware County back in the 80s after I left my own abusive relationship. Many of the women that I spoke to were in far worse situations that I experienced. I spoke to them in the heat of the moment during situations that were terrifying. I was responsible for helping to get these women out and in a safe place so they could make a change. However, many women do not pursue legal action after such incidences because they are more afraid of being alone than they are of their abuser. Women who have lived in an abusive relationship for many years have had their protective network and much of their resources worn away. They are literally prisoners in their own homes; prisoners with a life term and a potential for a horrible death.

There is no excuse for Domestic Violence and if you know someone who is in that kind of a situation you have the power to help. You can help that woman get out or simply donate to a shelter or volunteer to do hotline counseling work. If you are in that situation, I can tell you there is hope. You have choices to make. Even if you have children, there are people and agencies to help get you and yours out to a better place. In Montgomery County you can call Laurel House's office at (610) 277-1860 to find out more. Copy their hotline number down  (800) 642-3150 and keep it handy if you ever need it. You have the power to live a life free of violence.