Not a Disorder

This morning I read an article that someone posted on Facebook about ADHD and the rise in the sales of the drugs designed to "treat" it.  I say treat it in quotes, because I don't believe it is a disorder or an illness, and selling these drugs is simply laziness on the part of educators and some parents.

I read a book a few years ago that turned my life around.  It's called Attention Deficit Disorder: A Different Perspective.  The theory behind this book is that ADHD is not a disease or a disorder.  It is simply a trait that makes children classified as such, different.  People with ADHD have brains that are wired differently from other children.  But rather than teach these children differently - in a way that works for them, we medicate them and force them to behave in an environment that is foreign to their talents.

What makes me laugh is that America has turned into a country of addicts - legal addicts taking pharmaceuticals - and yet they don't legalize a natural plant such as marijuana. Everyday I see ads on television and in magazines about a different drug.  When I go to the doctor all she does is write out a prescription for another drug.  We need to get behind the natural talent these children have and stop becoming a nation of pushers.

Childless

I came across an article the other day about living child-free. It was stated that America's birth rate has declined 9% from 2007 to 2011.  I find that terribly interesting.  I also wonder if it is by choice or by fertility issues due to environmental stresses. Apparently from the article 1 in 5 American women end up child-less.  I have two friends who fall into this category.  One was very driven by her career and kind of "lost track of time" and the other made a conscious decision with her husband to not have children because she felt that the world was too screwed up to bring a child into.  Both of these women are in their 50s now so it is unlikely that they will change their status.

I can somewhat understand the reasoning for the decision not to have children because of the condition of this planet. It is screwed up and I often wonder if my decision to have a child was wrong.  My son is not in the best of places but I love him to pieces and feel as if I am leaving a piece of myself behind.  I sometimes wish I would have had more children, but my husband and I decided that one was enough.  It was further "enforced" for lack of a better word because I had all kinds of problems getting pregnant to the point of even possibly needing surgery to accomplish nature to take its course.  Maybe God was telling me something. But whatever the reason, I am happy I have my son and I pray for him every day.  It does give me something to live for and I kind of can't picture myself without a child.

I understand completely those women who make this decision, or in some cases have his decision made for them as they are unable to have children. But it seems as if many people cannot accept it.  The article goes on to say that many childless women get flack from everyone about it. I suppose that having children is in our human nature to survive, but sometimes ever though our species are designed to procreate, many people I see should have made the decision to be childless rather than neglect the children they have.

Way to Much

Okay so I think I am about as liberal as one can get, but sometimes old time values are important.  A long time ago, I blogged about a guy at work who had gotten a girl pregnant.  They made the decision to have the baby and take care of it together if not separately.  I must admit that they did the right thing by working out an arrangement with a lawyer and things seem to be going okay.  Both parties know exactly what is expected of each other and everything is in writing so there are no questions as to what is what.  It was a long and arduous process but in the end everything worked out okay. The little guy is now 4 and is really adorable.

So imagine my surprise when he announced that he is having another! The baby mama is due in June and at first they were planning to move in together, but now it seems that the moving plan is being nixed.  He said the problem is that he really doesn’t like her so that’s a problem in setting up house with her. Oh, and by the way, this baby mama is not the same as the one before.

Having a child is personal decision but I think it is important that it is a decision made by two people who are willing to make all the sacrifices needed when a child is brought into this world. This guy, while he makes a decent wage, is certainly not setting the world on fire and is IMHO not likely to.  For him to have two children with two different women pretty sickening to me – and it’s not just him.  I feel the same way about any guy out there in a similar situation. I know that mistakes happen and I admire those couples who work hard to make the best of things but really it’s the child who loses in the long run.  One mistake I can totally understand but more is just careless.  Okay so call me old fashioned but I think that a stable home environment is needed for a child’s moral development.

Babysitting

It’s been a very long time since I did any babysitting, and a long time since I actually had any interaction with a baby.  But over the weekend, I had an opportunity to do just that.  I guess I was getting my grandmother training lessons started. 

A new friend of ours has a new baby boy who is 10 months old now.  He is really cute with the requisite chubby cheeks and all and quite a nice disposition.  I wasn’t sure I was ready for this, as I am not around babies a lot of the time, but things went quite swimmingly and I am confident that I will be okay when it comes time for my son to bring home his  child – whenever that may be.

The one thing that I did find out is that it is really tiring to run after a toddler.  I remember doing that when my son was 10 months old, but as an older woman it really fatigued me!  I hope that someday, while I am still able to get about and not to totally old, I will have a grandchild of my own.  For now I’ll just have to pretend with the children of my younger friends.

Horror

First we have the Catholic priests, then a university football coach, and now a Philadelphia journalist.  All of a sudden people are jumping on the bandwagon with the sexual molestation accusations from when they were children.  What is it with these guys, and why is it all coming out now?  l

I don’t understand how a person can molest a child.  How is a child considered a sexual creature in the first place?  Sure they are innocent and sweet and trusting, but how that makes them enticing as a sexual “partner” is beyond me.  It is so horrible to even think that a child could be subjected to that kind of treatment in the first place. 

These men are men of authority and stature of some kind.  Is it that they are so drunk with power that they feel they can take advantage of a child?  Just horrible.

Nothing to Do

The next time I hear someone complain about the fact that the kids have nothing to do, I am going to scream.  You are going to hear it all over because it is going to be the longest and loudest scream you have ever heard.  Well maybe not really, but I will feel like it.

I want you to think back to your childhood if you are over the age of 45.  Did you have every hour of your day organized into specific activities, or did your parents allow you the freedom of running through the neighborhood making up stories with your friends and playing?  Did your parents take you to all the places they wanted you to go such as dance lessons, or horseback riding lessons, or whatever?  Did you parents take you to the park on a lazy summer weekend afternoon to laugh and play in the playground?  Didn’t you have fun just being a kid and not having to be somewhere doing something you didn’t want to do?

I think there are plenty of things to do for kids to do if parents are willing to look for them.  You can always sit down and read them a story, or play make-believe with them.  You can always take them to the library on a Saturday morning and let them join in on the activities they have there.  You can take them to the local zoo which for Norristown residents is lowered fee for many days out of the year.  You can take the kids to a museum, which are often open during the weekend.  Or you can just let them play in the back yard making up stories in their little imaginative brains where they can pretend to their heart’s content.  Kids have the power to be engaged by themselves and frankly it’s the parents who don’t have the time to be with them that complain the loudest.

Interesting Toys

Yesterday I was surfing the net and I came across a toy that helps little girls simulate breast feeding.  Check out this link.  In the article they have a news clip on the coverage and interview several people about their feelings on the doll.  Personally I take a very dim view pushing kids into adulthood.  I understand that breastfeeding is a natural part of life.  But I think no matter how natural it is, having a child simulate the act when they are little I think is too much.

Kids need to be kids.  They need to play and jump and do all the imaginary things they can do when they can do it.  Simulating adult behavior with something like breastfeeding isn’t necessary.  They will be adults soon enough.  Children are starting earlier and earlier to have sex.  I suppose if we lived more openly, as they do in other countries, children would see mothers breastfeeding children and it would be totally natural when they had children themselves to think that is the way to feed their own child.  But I think this doll is too much.

What do you think?  You are welcome to comment.

Getting Away with Murder

I have to admit that I have not been following the Casey Anthony story except for what I get tweets about.  This morning I see that a woman who looks like her was attacked and the other day I saw that a man who had the same name has been getting death threats.  After looking into a little further into the case I understand why.  How can a person, especially a mother, not report her child missing for a month and not have killed her.  Yes, the evidence was sketchy and yes it created doubt in the jury’s mind, but come on.  If I ever get in trouble, I want that lawyer.

When my son was little I was constantly looking out for him.  I remember one time we went to the mall and he disappeared into a rack of clothes.  The fear that went through me was indescribable.  I know most parents have gone through that.  Fortunately I found him quickly, but from then on, I had him on a leash.  Literally.  I got one of those harness things and whenever we went out in public he was on it and I had a firm grasp of the other end.  People would look at me strangely, but my son was the type to run off suddenly and he was very quick and with God knows who out there he could have been snatched up in a flash.  If anyone said anything to me I just said that I loved my son and wanted to keep him safe.  I would have reported him missing if he had been gone an hour – get that Amber Alert going!

So how in anyone’s right mind can anyone think that this woman was not at fault when her child, especially a child as adorable as her little girl, go missing and she doesn’t do anything to find her?  I think that woman is sick in the head and needs treatment.  So now she is going scott-free and will probably have another child and I shudder to think about that child’s safety.  

Babies, Babies

My refrigerator has magnets on it; lots of magnets.  It is one of those French Door models and on the left side are magnets from places I have been on vacations and what not.  On the right side are pictures of all my friend’s babies who have sent pictures to me in Christmas cards.  I never seem to take any of them down or change out the more recent ones so there are several years of pictures from several kids, most notably my son of course.  I was looking at those pictures while I ate dinner tonight and thought to myself that if anyone came into my house when I'm not there, they might thing think that I was some sort of child pervert.  Or not. I don’t know if others have that many pictures up on their ‘fridge like that, but as usual with some things that I do, it’s a little excessive.

All of the pictures that I have up there are old and all of the kids are grown now, or at least in college.  But they still stay there because like any red blooded woman, I love babies.  They fascinate me.  Their little hands and feet are so cute and cuddly.  I don’t mind their crying either – well if they don’t cry too much.  I can’t wait until I have a grandchild and can “have” another baby, but with my luck I will be too old to enjoy it though.  My son is nowhere near having a kid yet.  So in the meantime I have to settle with other people’s babies and hear them bragging about their grandchildren and wait.  I am not going to pressure him because the last thing I want is to end up having to care for the kid 24/7 because he does something irresponsible.  No, I want to be able to give the kid back when it gets to be too much for me!   Afterall. that’s the beauty of having grandchildren.

New Generations

A friend of my husband’s just became a grandfather.  This is the first grandchild in the family for both his wife and he and he is not thrilled.  Trouble is that his daughter is not married.  She is not a teenager, but in her early twenties.  But the thing is she is still living at home and has no financial means to live on her own.

It is not an uncommon scenario in this country.  The rate of unwed mothers in the US is nearly 40 percent of babies in 2008, according to data released by the Pew Research Center.  This is after a drop in about 14 years which has many concerned about the children born to unwed parents.  They often face many disadvantages, including increased likelihood of poverty and greater high school dropout rates.  This trend is also crossing ethic lines as well as moving toward slightly older mothers.   Where it used to be teen-aged girls, these new mothers are often in their twenties, but with low income and limited education.

It is also interesting to note, as found by the Heritage Foundation, that people are not marrying because of the economical times.  However, isn’t it more important to have good financial stability to have a child?  I mean there is the cost of medical needs, education, clothing, etc.  The cost of living without a child is so much less than with. 

Just another one of those things that makes one shake their heads in wonder.

New Generation

My cousin’s daughter had a baby girl a few months back. This is the first grandchild of my generation and it is exciting to see our little family move on. My cousin has posted several pictures on Facebook and I am so amazed at the family resemblance between this child and my son when he was her age.

Genetics is a fascinating study to me. In high school we studied fruit flies and charted their offspring for traits such as wing length and eye color. With a species as simple as that, it is somewhat easy to predict the percentages of the generational characteristics. However, humans have many more traits that can be passed between members of a family, some which cannot be seen like genetic diseases. What is interesting to me is there are specific traits like noses or eyes that transcend the generations. My little cousin is not yet mature enough to see if she has the family nose shape or eyebrow arch that I see in pictures that my maternal grandparents.

Modern genetics started with a German-Czech Augustinian monk and scientist named Gregor Johann Mendel, who studied the nature of inheritance in plants. Mendel traced the inheritance patterns of certain traits in pea plants and described them mathematically. In 1905, a proponent of Mendel's work, William Bateson, coined the word genetics. He popularized this word during the International Conference on Plant Hybridization in London, England, in 1906. As time went on, they determined that genetics were tied to DNA and found that DNA is the molecule responsible for inheritance.

The early study of genetics was done with plants and then moved on to mammals. Dog and cat breeders look for traits they want to bred for and pair animals together to maximize those traits. It is interesting to note that environment often plays a part in genetic results. According to a Wikipedia article on genetics, it states that temperature actually is a factor in breeding Siamese cats. A low temperature environment causes the DNA protein's structure to be stable and function normally. This results in the coat coloration of the cats. It goes on to say that the protein remains functional in areas of skin that are colder—legs, ears, tail, and face—and so the cat has dark fur at its extremities.

It is possible that early noble families, without really knowing what they were doing, practiced genetics when arranging the marriages of their offspring. This is possibly how certain diseases became specific to particular ethnicities. Today, with love marriages the variations are endless.

Genetics aside, it will be interesting to see how my little cousin grows up and which side of her family she favors.