Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Dubious Anniversary

Today is the anniversary of my father’s death.  Last year at this time I was very involved in a local campaign and had even taken a leave of absence from my regular job.  I knew that the end was near and we were waiting for it, but it still didn’t make it any easier when it actually happened.  Things were so crazy at that time that I only got time to go to the funeral and then get right back to the campaign office.  I still kind of forget that he is actually gone when I think of calling him to tell him something.
Losing a parent is hard they say.  I guess but I think it would be harder if I were younger and more dependent on my parents.  Being as old as I am now and away from the house not dealing with them as often as I did back then, makes me a little more removed from the situation.  My father was really good about calling me often and even though we really didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of issues, it made me feel important in his life.  I found out at the funeral that he did that a lot with people he was close to.  I often mean to do that with my friends, but somehow things just get in the way and much time goes by and I suddenly realize that I haven’t spoken to someone who used to be a daily part of my life for a while.  Maybe that part of him didn’t make it into my DNA. 
Since he lived in Delaware I haven’t even made it down to see his grave.  It’s not really important to me to do that though because I don’t need a place like that to remember him.  I have a picture of him on my desk and often one of his selections comes up on my iPod, so I think of him pretty frequently.  I kind of miss him, but I often think I should be missing him more.  Maybe if we were closer it would be more of an issue and in some ways I feel guilty it isn’t.  Then again maybe death doesn’t bother me that much because I believe I will see him again.

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