Tuesday, September 15, 2009


It seems as if have developed several phobias in my middle age. For example, I never was afraid of flying and now am terrified. I used to be able to watch horror movies and not get too freaked out, and now get really undone with some of them. I don’t usually rent them for just that reason, but the other day, I saw one and it got to me in a big way. Even last night, two days after seeing it, I was still unnerved. I wonder why?

I guess, it is because I have more to lose now; my family, my home, and a feeling that if I died I would not have completed certain things. Most of my fears center on me dying, or becoming seriously injured, as a result of whatever it is I am afraid of. I don’t think I could cope with being incapacitated in a way that would make me reliant on others. When I really think about it, it all comes down to a lack of control.

We all need control in our lives and some of us, namely me, have to be in charge of most of the time. I wouldn’t go so far as to call me a control freak, but if I don’t feel as if I have a handle on things I tend to get edgy, nervous, and downright nasty. I’ll admit it; I like to be in control. On the other hand, I don’t always want to be the one making the decisions – sometimes that just too much responsibility. It’s a fine line, I think, between in control and being in command.

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