Slighted

Upon pressure from my mother, I sent away for a copy of my father’s will.  She has been after me since my father died to get back her furniture he took when they got divorced.  My stepmother won’t speak to my mother so she has imbued my brother and me with this task.  I received it yesterday and basically it said she gets everything, which was what my stepmother said when she called to tell me there would be no reading of the will as she suggested there would be.  Also, apparently they don’t do that kind of thing any longer.  I won’t go into the nasty details of the strained relationship between my mother and my stepmother here suffice it to say that it is quite hideous.  My relationship with my stepmother is rather icy so I wasn’t about to ask her about the furniture to begin with, so my only hope was that it was mentioned in the will.

I received the copy the other day and read through it.  I was hoping to see some reference of me in there.  My stepmother, rather unceremoniously, gave me a box of his CDs and told me that my father instructed that I was to get the proceeds of their sale.  I supposed I wanted to see that behest in there, or perhaps some other item.  My name was not there at all!  My brother’s name, on the other hand, was there.  It says that if my stepmother can’t perform the duties of an executor, he was to do so.  I was shocked.  I am the first born and I felt it should be my responsibility to have that honor. Granted, my brother and he got along much better than he and I did, but after all I am his first born child. I suppose since I am a woman, he in his old fashioned ways didn’t feel I was up to the task.  When he wrote the will, he knew he was not going to outlive my stepmother.  She is his junior by at least 15 years to start with.  There was a very small chance that she would not be able to perform the necessary duties in carrying out his will, so having an alternate was routine anyway.

The only thing I can figure out is my gender.  I just can’t believe that in this day and age I, the first born child, would not have that responsibility simply because I am a woman.  Of course I can’t ask him, but it really riles me.  I feel slighted, I feel worthless, I feel small. My father was a very conservative person.  He and I fought about many social issues because of the difference in our beliefs.  Perhaps my brother wasn’t as vocal as I was about standing up to his views even though my brother and I often share the same.  Maybe this was my father’s final word.